Monday, February 13, 2017

He gave me Flowers

Valentine's Day (was not my day...)

I often feel Valentine's Day is not a holiday for me.  No I do not want pity, it has been a choice, most of the time.  Full disclosure, I have never liked Valentine's.  I didn't like the little boxes in school.  (Yes you had to get a card for everyone, but there were always the good cards, and the dumb cards in a box and it was obvious that it was a who's who when you got home), and in all honestly who really liked those hearts that tasted like chalk, or the suckers that had the white words that dyed you lips?

I say again, don't be sad for me, but I have never received flowers, gone out on a date, or in anyway celebrated this "holiday" with someone that I loved, or loved me.  Yes, this sounds awful to most people that have not experienced this, and to be honest many years it felt awful to me too.  It wasn't that I spent my childhood dreaming of being alone, but I also never thought of that beautiful day that I would get married.  I spent a lot of my life just wanting to have great friends, and make others happy.  I didn't plan that I would be alone it's just was how it worked for me, and it has worked for me.

Now at forty something I am really good at being alone.  I don't "need a man"....yes I have said this a million times. I say this often when I am told "You will meet the right man", "he will come along when you least expect it", "you will find a man now that you are in church", "there is someone for everyone".

I look at Facebook at couples and families that hang out together as groups, and in all honesty my heart longs a little for that life. There have been a lot of times when I just stand back and look at couples thinking to myself  "I have no idea how to love someone" (I think that word may come after Trust in the dictionary, not before).  Being single is not the worst thing, but it is an odd place sometimes to be that person that really doesn't fit into that world you see around you.

Even in church it is weird for a lot of people to understand that I am alone, not divorced, no kids, no past secrets, nothing "wrong" with me that make me that single person in their forties.  It is actually even hard to talk to single men as people see it as "they would make a cute couple", or worse "we should set them up". Maybe we just want to talk, brothers and sister's in Christ talking about our love for Jesus.

If you say "I'm not looking" that seems to be where they put in "that's when you find love". (This works for things I have put in the wrong place, I can't find them when I need them but when I am looking for something else that is when that sock shows up...or the missing earring...Not a significant other.  I don't think I will be looking for a sock and find my soul mate...pun intended)

So here is the crazy thing this year...I finally have a man in my life!  I know this sounds odd coming out of my mouth, but seriously I have never felt more loved than I do right now. I know many of you are shocked by this news, but those close to me are very excited!

He has been watching me from afar for a very long time, he just stood back and watched me.  (Sounds a little creepy, but he was very quiet so I didn't feel afraid of him.) He knew that I would call when I was ready because I knew of him, I just wasn't ready to commit. He waited up night after night just waiting for me to call, but he was not going to push me (he knows I had to make the call).
                  Psalm 17:6 "I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer" NIV

I called him for the first time about three years ago.  He started coming around,and I liked our short conversations, we talked day and night.  He was so content he would just listen, and believe me I can go on and on, but he just listened.  It was not easy at first for me, I did not trust him, he didn't say much.  I would hear his words in a song he would play for me,or his voice when I read his book.  I kept things pretty simple at first.  I just reviewed my day, told him about my friends, and the things I saw they needed, and sometime I just sat there.

Psalm 19:14 "May these words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord my Rock and my Redeemer" NIV

I started to open up to him and he continued to listen, I told him I was afraid of being judged.  He didn't walk away or judge me on my past, he told me that no matter what he would not leave me. I could do nothing to make him love me anymore, or any less.  He loved me completely and said I was his.

Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you: he will never leave you nor forsake you" NIV

Even though he knows my every thought he continues to enjoy hearing my voice. He know just the right words many days to calm my heart. There are days that I get busy and I forget to check in. I start to worry that he may be upset with me, but as soon as I call him he is so excited to hear my voice and hear about my day.

   Jeremiah 33:3 "Call on me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you did not know" NIV

Soon we started talking more and more throughout the day.  I would find myself at my desk just thinking about him, and focusing on him when I was feeling alone. I started to trust him more and more.  I would go to his house, and I met many members of his family. They welcomed me, and couldn't say enough about how much he loved me!  They told me he had a son that he sent ahead to show me the way to his house, a son that he loved so much that he let him take my sin away, his son died for me.  His son even went home to prepare a place for me at his table, and a room in his house.  I am so excited to sit at his table with my family and know that I am invited, I fit in, and I can come without a date!

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." NIV

John 14:2 "'My father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?'" NIV

Tomorrow we are going to read together, and talk, my heart is overwhelmed!  He created me flowers, made me chocolate hearts, and loves me forever! He gave me the ultimate gift, his heart bled for me and he saved me!

So as I look at this "holiday" this year I am excited to announce that I have a date!  
We all have a date, we just need to call and give him our heart. 

As the little red button said..."I Am Loved"  and so are you! 

I may be single but I am sure not alone!