Where were you?
That question has been asked millions times over the last 15 years on this day. How can it possibly be 15 years?Anyone that is over the age of 20 can remember that day and the days to come as if it were yesterday, and most of us don't remember what we did last week. It seems like only a year ago but to look at the kids heading off to college I realized they don't know what they were doing that day. They may remember their families hugging them a little tighter that night but they don't know that for a moment on a fall day the country stopped and prayed. The country was in grief and the stages were happening all at once. There was denial, shock, anger, bargaining...but there was not acceptance.
I remember where I was, as I am sure you do too, and I remember the days that followed. I remember coming out of a meeting and hearing about the first tower. I remember walking down the stairs in the office and hearing of the second tower...the pentagon, the missing fourth plane. I remember how quiet the office was as we were trying to understand what was happening. I remember the silence.
Most of us didn't live through the cold war, and all other acts of war were in someone else's backyard. We were a big, strong country, we were in control and we were safe. As we watched from halfway across the country that was our family, our sisters, our brothers...our family. It was so quiet, I guess now you would call it shock but we didn't even have words like that. Our hearts were breaking as story after story came out. Stories of the last calls, the desperate attempts to escape, and the hero's that were heading towards the danger as most were trying to get away.
We know where we were, we know how we felt, and we know that many of us prayed. We know how creepy it was when the planes started flying again and how sad we were as they looked for bodies. We saw the hurt but honestly we were not even near the real pain. We were not in the homes that got those last calls and the calls to follow. I am sad every year on this day and Proud to be an American when I see the local Firemen and Police standing on the corners with the trucks and flags. I have lived with grief but I don't even know how they feel, the families, survivors and friends. I can only pray for them. I did not know any of them personally, I did not have to talk to anyone about how I felt then or how I feel every 9-11 I just have to answer "Where were you"... I was at work like most of them, but I was safe. I was just and American trying to figure out what I could do.
So what I continue to do pray. That day I went to a church full of strangers and prayed. We as a country prayed...I wish that had continued. We clung to each other, we became a family, we prayed for each other. We said God Bless America, we cried out to God to Bless us and the families...WE all believed in God and there was no holding back. I remember the media saying it, the politicians saying it, everyone was saying God Bless America! I believe they know the truth at that moment even those with some fear of shouting out there love of God in public they knew where they needed to go. They needed to look to God for comfort and hope.
I saw it then but it fades in and out. It seems to take a tragedy for our country to cry out to Jesus. I was that person that didn't dare show faith in public, I don't even know that I knew God at that time, but I know him now. I will be praising him, I will not be afraid of being judged as only he can truly judge me and I am following him..
Where was I on that day? I was being changed. Our Country was being changed. And I pray that our Country can live by the promise that God will hear us as we call out to him. He is here, he know the plan, and he just wants us to follow him.
I pray for the families on this day that lost loved ones, I pray for our country, and I pray that I can shine the light that points the way to our God.
Isaiah 33:2
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Saturday, September 10, 2016
What's in the Name
Wow, so I have finally after months of not believing I had anything worth saying decided to speak truth. I am a talker, or so I have been told, and for years have been the laughter in a room. But what was below the surface was a lot of pain, doubt, and self-hate. The light entered me two years ago in a very dark place and since that day I have been changing. That light and that truth will be the basis for my blog. That love of Jesus entering my life is where my life began.
I am a forty "something" female. Due to many factors, I have never been married, never had children, never learned how to love, and my idol was my work. All of these were factors in my life that made me daily question "Why am I here?". How do I fit into this cookie cutter world, how will I ever explain to people when they ask "why aren't you married, why don't you want kids, do you really want to be alone in a nursing home someday?". Yes I have heard all of those questions.
I am not a "normal" forty something women, or so I thought. I am still searching for my place in this world daily. I am trying to figure out where I fit it, will I ever want to be loved, and will I ever find out who Beth is?
I will travel through the truth of the Bible as I continue to write but for now I am going to start with a quick answer to "who is Beth?"
Not sure if everyone in the 70's had the little sign on there wall that said what their name meant but I did. In our little town there was a store called The Loft that sold these. I don't remember any of my friends not having these little wood signs. I am guessing there were those kids that didn't fall into the name file (which I am sure causes it's own therapy sessions), but there was Beth.
The meaning of Beth:
House or habitation. Dwelling place often followed by another word to create a place. Beth el = House of God. Beth = House or Dwelling
I look at my siblings and there are Joni "God is Gracious", Gregory "Watchful Vigilant", Joy (need I say more) and Steven "Crown"....I was a dwelling. To be truly honest this seems like such a little thing to worry about but I did. I didn't want to be a house and when trying to find your place in the world who really wants to be a house.
Two years ago I was at the lowest point of my life, I was searching for answers in my faith, my past, and my future. I decided to try a Bible Study. I did this alone, and not with a group, as I was not ready for the vulnerability of a group. Plus in my mind the church was full of wives, mothers, and grandmothers...not me. After some discussion with S.J, my counselor, I went with another Beth, Beth Moore. "Children of the Day" seemed like a good place to start,(not sure why but I believe that God knows and sometimes he is very clear!) Day 1, page 4..."If you know what your given name means, share it here. If you don't know what it means, consider doing some research.." For a moment I was thinking I knew the answer, and I didn't like it, but it said your whole name. I had never looked at that before and so goggle I did (millennial research).
Beth Ann, short and simple.
Beth = Dwelling of
Ann = Gracious/Merciful
Beth Ann, are you kidding! I am more than just "Dwelling of..." my heart now smiled, what a cool name! I had two definitions to work with, "Dwelling of Grace" "Dwelling of Mercy". My little house that was so sad was now filled with Grace and Mercy! How exciting! My journey was only beginning with Grace and Mercy!
This was such a simple little assignment but that is sometimes where God starts our story. Little questions, little Bible studies, little ways to serve him and little families in Christ.
I am not a writer, grammar expert, or theological expert...But I love Jesus, I am a Child of the One true King, and I want to share his love and HOPE.
So that is where it starts, just a name. For now while I am here I will love my name. I know that is was chosen for me before I was even born, and someday I will have a new name that only God knows! If he had that much love in my short term name I can only imagine what my forever name will be!
Revelation 3:12 (NKJV) "He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more. I will write on him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God. And I will write on him My new name."
How Exciting!
I am a forty "something" female. Due to many factors, I have never been married, never had children, never learned how to love, and my idol was my work. All of these were factors in my life that made me daily question "Why am I here?". How do I fit into this cookie cutter world, how will I ever explain to people when they ask "why aren't you married, why don't you want kids, do you really want to be alone in a nursing home someday?". Yes I have heard all of those questions.
I am not a "normal" forty something women, or so I thought. I am still searching for my place in this world daily. I am trying to figure out where I fit it, will I ever want to be loved, and will I ever find out who Beth is?
I will travel through the truth of the Bible as I continue to write but for now I am going to start with a quick answer to "who is Beth?"
Not sure if everyone in the 70's had the little sign on there wall that said what their name meant but I did. In our little town there was a store called The Loft that sold these. I don't remember any of my friends not having these little wood signs. I am guessing there were those kids that didn't fall into the name file (which I am sure causes it's own therapy sessions), but there was Beth.
The meaning of Beth:
House or habitation. Dwelling place often followed by another word to create a place. Beth el = House of God. Beth = House or Dwelling
I look at my siblings and there are Joni "God is Gracious", Gregory "Watchful Vigilant", Joy (need I say more) and Steven "Crown"....I was a dwelling. To be truly honest this seems like such a little thing to worry about but I did. I didn't want to be a house and when trying to find your place in the world who really wants to be a house.
Two years ago I was at the lowest point of my life, I was searching for answers in my faith, my past, and my future. I decided to try a Bible Study. I did this alone, and not with a group, as I was not ready for the vulnerability of a group. Plus in my mind the church was full of wives, mothers, and grandmothers...not me. After some discussion with S.J, my counselor, I went with another Beth, Beth Moore. "Children of the Day" seemed like a good place to start,(not sure why but I believe that God knows and sometimes he is very clear!) Day 1, page 4..."If you know what your given name means, share it here. If you don't know what it means, consider doing some research.." For a moment I was thinking I knew the answer, and I didn't like it, but it said your whole name. I had never looked at that before and so goggle I did (millennial research).
Beth Ann, short and simple.
Beth = Dwelling of
Ann = Gracious/Merciful
Beth Ann, are you kidding! I am more than just "Dwelling of..." my heart now smiled, what a cool name! I had two definitions to work with, "Dwelling of Grace" "Dwelling of Mercy". My little house that was so sad was now filled with Grace and Mercy! How exciting! My journey was only beginning with Grace and Mercy!
This was such a simple little assignment but that is sometimes where God starts our story. Little questions, little Bible studies, little ways to serve him and little families in Christ.
I am not a writer, grammar expert, or theological expert...But I love Jesus, I am a Child of the One true King, and I want to share his love and HOPE.
So that is where it starts, just a name. For now while I am here I will love my name. I know that is was chosen for me before I was even born, and someday I will have a new name that only God knows! If he had that much love in my short term name I can only imagine what my forever name will be!
Revelation 3:12 (NKJV) "He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more. I will write on him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God. And I will write on him My new name."
How Exciting!
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